My boyfriend just broke up with me, what do I do?

Two days ago, my boyfriend broke up with me for the third time. The first time was 7 months after we dated and he broke it off but he didnt really meant it and we got back together the next day. The second time was 2 months later when he felt that we had too much problems and he felt that he was not ready. We stayed in contact and I cried like crazy, felt depression kicking in and was just really sad. We stayed in contact for 2 months and I told him that I found out I had leukemia and so we decided to get back with each other. Then, 6 months later, he ended it for the third time saying he was not ready for our relationship and the problems again. We didn't meet each other's expectations enough to love each other. The fact that I was always going to him when I had problems and I was suffocating him but he gives me the best comfort and going through leukemia hurts me a lot. I don't know what to do anymore, it has only been two days and my heart hurts like hell. The last time I saw him was the day after he broke up with me because I wanted to give him his stuff back. Now, I dont know what to do, I keep living in the past and thinking what a wonderful man he was because he really is. He was my first love and we are still in high school, well, just graduated and we are going to the same college but we were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend too. So it's really really hard for me. Last night I saw pictures of him with our friends and he was just really happy and it looked like he was not depressed or sad at all which makes me really jealous. I have cancer and I have to go through this break up again...I just feel like killing myself and needing a lot of help. I can't afford therapy or any other help, college is going to be a pain as well seeing him again. I don't know what to do anymore, keep in touch with him, hoping that we'll get back together or just lose him and say that that is the end, no friendship, no contact, you're dead to me, out of my life. I know he truly cares for deep inside and that feelings just dont go away in a couple of days. We were together for a year and a half and we shared a lot of good memories together, now I just feel so lonely and so depress...I need help on what to do now...